Category Archives: Son

Glowing Great+Full

As I opened my blinds this Thanksgiving morning, the freshly-wet-from-rain, brown-orange-golden view made me pause. Millions of leaves lay disarray covering the ground in their final resting place. A few still clung to their branches, the trees almost appeared to be aching for them to finally let go. Each piece prepping for dark and stillness. Until next year…

The scape was simply stunning. The leaves going out with a bang. The scene made me recall a quote I had come across recently: “What are you going to do with all that dark?” “Find a way to glow in it.”

This year has been a life altering year. Having been put in situations I would have never dreamed of, there have been some dark moments. It’s been a time of crumbling, a time of changing, a time of letting go of a tree I was so deeply rooted in. Much of this year I have felt like a withered fall leaf floating, bouncing around controlled by a strong wind, trying desperately to find the ground – someplace firm to land – to finally rest.

Sipping my morning tea while trying to enjoy my favorite coffee cake and the view, I feel a sigh escape my body. In no way do things remotely resemble how I imagined them to be. It saddens my heart. I feel full. Full as in ‘that’s enough, please no more’. I need a breather. Can someone else tag in for a bit?

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As those feelings are toying with me, I glance down. My wrist reminder pulls me back. ‘Athas’ the Irish word for ‘Joy’. A token from a trip I took this year. A reminder. A saving grace. A word I fell in love with years ago. That word makes me crack a smile. I love when I see it pop up in life. It always makes me pause and take another look.

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So I look again and when I look this time, instead of full I see great. My beautiful view. My little boy. My favorite coffee cake. A beautiful fall. The smell of a turkey smoking. My family. Pictures I adore that make my heart smile. A sweet four-legged little girl. The amazing ladies I work with. Trips with fun and fabulous people. Laughing. On point memes. The sun shining. My favorite tea in a mug that warms my heart. The massive amounts of texts of love and support I receive daily. My tribe. My fierce tribe. I am greatly full.

The year has been a harder one. Autumn is not an easy season as it is for my family. And where I am ‘full’ things are still ‘great’. My current state may be floating aimlessly through the dark in an uncontrollable wind, but there is still spark and color. I see it. I feel it. And I will find a way to glow in it. So many ‘great+full’ moments still ❤

Anything and Everything

The slow rise and fall of your chest, your breath at rest. I could stare at you forever. The tiny blond hairs that run along your body. I could stare at you forever. You’re beautiful, my little love. Made perfectly. Dream. Hope. Believe. My song for you sweet one. Since you were a babe lying across my chest curled in my arms. Love is the only word I can think of when I want to describe how I feel about you. But even that doesn’t seem to fully sum it up. Make a wish ❤ Always ❤

What do you dream about
Look at the stars, honey
All you gotta do is pick one out
And it’s there for you
I’ll be the one who makes
Your every dream come true

Close your eyes and baby
Make a wish and baby
I’ll give you anything and everything
The sky’s the limit and my heart is in it
I’ll give you anything and everything
Anything and everything

Where do you want to go
Look at the world, baby
All you gotta do is just say so
And I’ll take you there
Oh yeah, you know that
Love can take you anywhere

Close your eyes and baby
Make a wish and baby
I’ll give you anything and everything
The sky’s the limit and my heart is in it
I’ll give you anything and everything
Anything and everything

I could spoil you
Make it easy
Make you happy if you let me
Won’t you let me

I’ll be the one who makes
Your every dream come true

Close your eyes and baby
Make a wish and baby
I’ll give you anything and everything
The sky’s the limit and my heart is in it
I’ll give you anything and everything
(I’ll give you) anything and everything
(I’ll give you) anything and everything
(I’ll give you anything and everything)

Shedding to New

It’s been a while…to say the least. Close to a year. So how do you capture a year? How do you adequately express all of the happenings of a year? We’ve been discussing time in a devotional group I’m participating in.

Time. The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

The book we’re reading dares to suggest ‘time is life’. It feels as though there is so much, yet so little all at once.

I’ve caught myself noticing the little things lately. In the midst of all the big: husband’s new job, house reconstruction, new puppies (yes, plural), new kindergarten student; I’m finding myself noticing a butterfly, hearing the chickens clucking in the backyard as if in some crazy conversation, a beautiful sky, the smell of dessert baking in the oven, the taste of summer peaches, the softness of puppy fur, the shell a bug shed left stuck on some wood.

This past year has felt, in many ways, like the ending of something. A change in my husband’s determination professionally, the last time I’ll have my only ‘baby’ at home with me, the redesign of the house we’ve always known, the downward turn of the health of our beloved older dogs (yes, again, plural) ❤

I spent the 10 weeks of my son’s ‘last summer before big boy school’ jam packing it with fun times. The first week of school was a blur. It went by quickly. As we get into a new routine, I find myself reevaluating time. My time. I want it to count. What makes it count? Finding joy in the little things? Appreciation for learning? Receiving grace? It’s definitely bigger than the routine of the day to day. Of going to work. Of completing tasks. Of living in monotony.

I feel an excitement. Almost like life is ‘on the verge’ of something. I have found myself recalling the shell of the insect. Not sure many consider it beautiful, but I find myself mesmerized, almost relating to it. What does the bug go through? Is it scared when it realizes it’s time to shed an entire layer of itself? Does it just know? What happens on the other side? What does the new skin feel like? Is it sticky with uncertainty? Or firm with clarity? Regardless, it happens. When it’s time. How beautiful. Isn’t that what life is like at moments? If we stop and slow down, don’t things tend to take their course naturally? Why rush? Why push? Instead notice. Explore. Live.

I wrote this to my new kindergartener on social media as he began shedding his outer layer and is beginning to enter into his new skin: As our final summer day draws to a close, memories of sweet summer time moments make me smile. You are one amazing little guy & I am lucky enough to call you mine while we’re here on this earth. Thanks for one fun summer, Pug! I’m looking forward to watching you grow in your next big adventure. 11781820_920221364704381_1618175037728674927_n I find this could apply to me as well. My only child at home. A new role is emerging. A new routine. A new normal. So here we are celebrating our last moments together in our old skins as we shed and emerge into something new. My only prayer is we take the time to celebrate our new skins just as we celebrated our old ❤