“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
This verse means so much to me. It is a verse that captured my heart after my father died. There’s so much hard truth in this verse that as a mother, I should always remember. Life is a gift.
As I wrap up the #amimessingupmykids bible study I find myself feeling encouraged. I have felt under the weather and fell behind in my reading last week. I had some peaceful-windows-open-pumpkins-growing-in-the-field-across-the-street-quiet-time this morning and wrapped up my study.
Feeling ‘under the weather’ doesn’t leave for easy motherhood moments. I have found myself snippy and periodically in a plain old bad mood. I have had plenty ‘now I feel guilty’ moments. I am definitely a person in tune with my emotions and find myself having to make the choice not to act on all of the emotions I feel. It’s not easy and I’ve struggled this past week.
As I read the final lessons I find myself in tears. Not even completely sure why. It started by feeling touched by some of the stories and then continued as I related some of them to my son and by the end I guess I just needed a good ole cry.
As a mom, I battle so much guilt. Guilt about my son and guilt about who I am as a mom. The second probably more so than the first. The inner questions can be relentless. There are two things that hit me in the final pages: making sure my kid knows Jesus being at the top of my ‘to do’ list and depending on the Lord to guide me as a parent. I do both of these things, but I admit, they could both use some work.
The word through this entire study that sticks out to me as a mother is intention. We have to do things intentionally for our children: show them God, be there for them, teach them, be with them, help them, feel with them, experience with them, guide them. Parenting should be intentional and unselfish. Our children learn by watching us. We are making a mark now on their future. We are shaping them today with every little intention we make.
I am not doing nor am I going to do motherhood perfectly. I fall short many times. When it comes down to it, I’m just Human Mom, not Super Mom. As long as my child sees God in my heart and at the heart of life, then he’ll figure out his own God-directed way. “I could have no greater joy than to hear that my child is following the truth.” 3 John 4.